Grief is an emotional response to significant loss or change, often triggered by the death of a loved one. It can also arise from health loss, life changes (like graduating or moving), divorce, relationship breakups, or unprocessed past experiences. When life changes in a significant way, grief kicks in as a way to adapt to evolving circumstances.
The Bible has a few things to say about grief. However, before we look at those teachings, let’s consider the differences between grief and depression.
Grief differs from depression
While grief arises from a specific loss, depression can occur without a clear trigger.
Grief may last longer but usually diminishes as we adapt; depression tends to persist and remain constant.
The emotions linked to grief include sadness, anger, disbelief, guilt, and sometimes joyful memories, fluctuating with reminders. In contrast, depression involves pervasive feelings of worthlessness, sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness, with less emotional variation.
Physical symptoms of grief relate to the loss, while depression affects sleep, appetite, and energy levels more persistently.
Understanding that grief and depression are distinct emotional reactions is crucial. What seems like depression may be emotions tied to loss and change.
Grief is a normal human process
Recently, I spoke with someone who experienced two significant losses over the past year. They shared, “In some situations, I still cry. But that’s okay; I need to cry. It’s a part of the grieving process.” I completely agree—bottling emotions hinders healing.
The children of Israel grieved during their Babylonian captivity, as shown in Psalm 137:1-4. They wept by Babylon’s rivers, longing for Zion, and hung their harps on willows, unable to sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land. Mourning Jerusalem and Solomon’s temple, they felt like strangers. While there is a time for song and joy, this moment called for tears and grief.
Scripture neither criticizes nor condemns their grief. Rather, it depicts their grief as perfectly normal. Of course they grieved! God created the condition of grief to help us adapt to life-altering changes.
Grief looks different for everyone
Grieving varies significantly among individuals. Job’s friends misunderstand his grief, as seen in Job 16:2-5, where he expresses disappointment in their lack of support. They fail to empathize with him during his traumatic losses, offering foolish advice instead of comfort. Job suggests that if they were in his position, they would need encouragement and solace.
Grief is unpredictable; no one can foresee how they will react to loss.
C.S. Lewis noted in A Grief Observed,
Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.
Everyone grieves differently, and the journey can be full of surprises. Unexpected reminders can trigger memories and emotions. Different relationships spur differing responses to death.
For instance, my mother’s death was my first major loss, and I had no idea how I would respond. And as I have since learned, losing a parent is distinct from other losses. Every time someone close to me has died, grief has taken on a different form. I cannot predict or imagine beforehand how grief will hit me.
It’s essential to resist thoughts like, “Why can’t I (or they) just get over it?” Patience is crucial for both the grieving and those supporting them. Your grief is valid, and tears are natural; God made you to cry. Allow yourself the time to grieve, as experiences vary widely. Remember, there is no single way to grieve.
Draw closer to others
Grief can bring us closer to others, though some may feel the urge to isolate. While private mourning is valid, excessive solitude can be harmful. God designed us to need each other, and this need persists through grief. It’s essential to seek supportive, caring people during such times.
When the body is injured, it quickly repairs itself. Damaged tissues send signals to alert the body, forming blood clots to stop bleeding. The injured area becomes red, swollen, and painful as blood flows in to deliver immune cells that clean up and fight infections. Fibroblasts rebuild tissue by laying down collagen, which acts as scaffolding. Over time, new cells replace the damaged ones, potentially leaving a scar. Once healing is complete, the body ceases alarm signals, and normal function resumes.
Paul likens the church to a body; when one part suffers, the rest should respond. He states in 1 Corinthians 12:26, “If one member suffers, all suffer together.” We should offer support through kind words, meals, messages, hugs, or simply listening. Those seemingly small gestures offer a depth of comfort few can articulate.
In 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, Paul writes about God’s comfort during tribulation, enabling us to comfort others. After facing near-death experiences in Ephesus, as noted in Acts 19, Paul found solace in God, which he then shared with others. Christians should not grieve alone; God has equipped the church to support each other through these times. The comfort I received in my grief can also be shared.
Summary
- Grief is a natural emotional response to significant loss or change, such as the death of a loved one, health issues, or relationship breakups, and it differs from depression, which can occur without a specific trigger.
- Grief encompasses a range of emotions, including sadness and anger, and while it may last longer, it typically diminishes over time.
- We must allow ourselves to grieve, as seen in biblical examples where grief is portrayed as a normal part of the human experience.
- Grieving varies for each individual, and support from others is crucial, as excessive isolation can be detrimental.
- The church community is should provide comfort and support, reflecting the belief that shared experiences of grief can foster deeper connections among individuals.
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